the fourth trimester.
Does the fourth trimester count if you barely had a third trimester? I feel like we skipped a step…
What is the third trimester?
Many expectant mothers go through a few phases before the baby arrives to get their head in the game. It tends to be reserved for the third trimester. You enter this stage at 28 weeks. It’s when many pregnant people paint the baby’s room, pick out names, assemble furniture, and when they begin to get so uncomfortable they can longer sleep or put shoes on without having to sit on the floor. It’s a time spent having baby showers and eating that extra piece of pie “because the baby wanted it.” It’s the few weeks before the baby is delivered where maternity photos are taken and then after 38-40 weeks, the daunting thoughts of “okay, wait… the head is how big? AND IT’S GOING TO COME OUT OF WHERE?” are replaced with “I don’t care how you get this baby out - just make it stop kicking me in the ribs, lungs and bladder, please.”
I didn’t get that this time around and I’ll be fully transparent: I’m mourning it, even if it is a love/loathe stage at best.
what is the fourth trimester?
The fourth begins after a baby is delivered. It’s a large adjustment phase that oversees the healing post delivery, introducing a new human into your household, sleepless nights and endless feeds where you’re never the one being fed, frustration with a body that is unrecognizable and doesn’t feel like it belongs to you anymore, all while feeling like you’re stuck on top of a sketchy ferris wheel of emotions like the ones you ride at the Fall Fair. It’s blissful and it’s a fucking nightmare all at once. This period feels like it can last for eternity.
What stage am i in?
As I write this, Arlo is 19 days old. My incision scar has healed and I can button my “pre-baby jeans” up and wear them as long as sitting isn’t a requirement. I feel like I’m in limbo. I delivered Arlo ten weeks early so I didn’t get to prepare in the traditional ways. I didn’t get to gain all the weight I would have. I have four or five “bump” photos, and I took all the kicks for granted. Truthfully I suspect I took it all for granted because I thought I still had more time.
We visited home over the past weekend so we could visit with Wes. Leaving Wes at home has been immensely hard on me throughout all of this. The ‘mom guilt’ is strong. Being home was a bit harder than I anticipated though sleeping in our own bed was delightful. I delivered a baby a little more than two weeks ago and we didn’t bring him home with us. Only part of my family was there. On top of that, while Wes has been more than looked after, he’s still very unregulated, anxious and a bit confused. It’s heartbreaking to know that he’ll have just gotten used to us being home only for us to leave him again for an undetermined, extended period of time.
Arlo: day 19 update.
Arlo is just shy of 4 lbs today (he was 3 lb 2 oz when he was born). He’s keen and has been doing ridiculously well. I’m slack on updates because frankly, there isn’t much to update (which is a good thing) as he just needs to gain some more weight and learn how to eat on his own. There is no rushing any of this as he’s still at a very young gestational age. He gets fed by an NG tube every three hours and practices breastfeeding often, too! He’s able to wear clothes now and they raised the roof on his incubator to see if he can sustain his own body temperature.
We get asked often about when we think Arlo will be discharged and it’s a loaded question. The pros here advise us to prepare for his due date (January 18) but there is a chance Arlo may be ready earlier. He has to be able to maintain feeds on his own, maintain his body temperature, and show steady growth. It all comes with time and Arlo is very much the boss. Until then, we will wait patiently, snuggle lots, and cat nap often.
Bayne and I consider ourselves very fortunate that we are all healthy and that we are so well cared for not only by the hospitals and their professionals but by our families and friends, too. It takes a village and our village is filled with some really, really big hearts. We can feel your love radiating and we are so grateful for the messages, calls, meals, and offers to watch Wes, decorate our house or take out our garbage. We are overwhelmed by support and we truly couldn’t get through all of this alone. Thank you, thank you, thank you!